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A Self-Love Letter

It’s funny. A little over a year ago was the date you were “supposed” to get married, according to your dreams several years ago. 7/7/17 was supposed to be significant for you because seven is such a significant and influential number in your life. You received your driver’s license on 07/07/07, became the “Jewel” or 7th in your line of sorority sisters when you joined Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. in college, and seven is the number of completion as you’ve read in the Bible. The number has shown up in your life often, so it should’ve been no surprise that you would’ve gotten married or engaged or had your first child on such a seven-filled day, right? What were the odds that on that 7/7/17 day, you found yourself sitting on the porch of your family home, looking out into an empty road, rocking a slightly dirty but comfy pair of sweatpants, no man in sight, no relationships, heck not even a date, no ring, no commitment, no pregnancy, no new house, no fabulous Facebook worthy party with friends, no fantastic “out of this world” summer plans, but just you and your Bible.

See, I know lately you’ve been dealing with a lot of low self-esteem and trying to partake in positive #SelfCare and loving yourself and all of that. It’s been hard to find your path in life wondering, “Did I make the right turn? Was moving back home such a good idea? Will I ever date again? Was eating that pack of Ramen a good move?”. I know you’ve been doubting yourself, second guessing everything, trying to please everyone’ “Can’t be too outspoken, they’ll think you’re crazy or aggressive”, or “Can’t be too quiet, they’ll walk all over you”. You’ve been dealing with insane amounts of emotions regarding rejection and inadequacy, wondering if the reason why you feel “rejected” by love is because you’re “too much”—you’ve got too much personality, your “speak up” game too strong, you know what you want and what you deserve, you’re too much for a guy to handle—so they leave. So you were sitting there wondering if you even deserved love or happiness or peace or self-love on a day when you were “supposed” to be married or having kids or winning an Oscar.

What is life?

But I’m writing to remind you that your worth isn’t determined by who does or doesn’t love you. It’s not determined by how many bad habits you can break and how many good habits you can replace in order to feel whole. It's not determined by how you feel when things are good or bad, or by how many people do or don’t ask you out (unless it’s Idris Elba—–just kidding), or by whether or not you’ve got a ring on “that” finger, or by whether you just have a doggy child or three children, or whether you are the CEO or work for the CEO, or whether you get 37,000 likes on social media or 4, or whether that guy thinks you’re too much or not enough.

Your worth is determined by the God who made and crafted you with the fiercest desire in His heart to love you something serious. The maker of the universe saw fit to mold you and then just LOVE on you and allow you to grow. What other reason do you need than that? Your slightly gap-toothed smile, your unmistakable dimples, your loud laugh and annoyingly strange habit of shouting “Deeeaaaddd” any time something funny happens, your awkward quirks (including your weird phobia of vomit—which I’m sure you’ll get over when you have kids :), your love of teaching and acting, along with your ability to eat an insane amount of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream, your love of hiking and kayaking and spending time outside, your love of children and sometimes the way in which you act like them, your chipped nails and sometimes hairy legs, your unsustainable habit of drinking a third of every water bottle and leaving the rest somewhere around the house (this is NOT “Signs”), your inability to give up on love and people even when you’ve been crushed by both, and your overthinking of everything along with so much more are ENOUGH because God made YOU this way. And you’ll learn that peace with ALL parts of yourself, means accepting the love that God has for you.

Therefore, there is no need to covet or desire a life other than your own and who you are. You may not be where “Susie” is in life or someone may hate the very core of who you are for reasons beyond your control, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t where God wants you to be or that you don’t deserve love.

So yes, on that seventh day in the seventh month, in the 2017th year, you weren't making a commitment to a man, or marriage, or a baby, or a new car, or a million dollars. BUT, you made the greatest commitment of them all—-to rededicate your life to the one above and to yourself and your happiness. Seems like the number seven will always be your number 🙂

Love,

Tianna


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