I’m not one to express my emotions. I try to be as nonchalant and even-keeled as possible at all times. Even when things would really bother me, I wouldn’t lash out and let my emotions get the best of me. I was always told that a man doesn’t express his emotions because it’s a weak thing to do. I’m just supposed to keep it all inside, sort it out, and move on. So that’s what I did. For many years, I kept everything bottled up inside. Occasionally exploding when things got to much for my soul to take. A lot people close to me would tell me that it’s ok to discuss my emotions but I always felt as though I have to keep my emotions and the burdens of the world on my shoulders. Because that’s strength right? Carrying everything in the world and keeping my emotions inside and just keep moving forward is what I thought was strength. However, doing that isn’t strong at all. Realizing that emotions don’t make you weak but neglecting them is true weakness was a hard lesson for me to understand.
I’ve had a lot of time in 2018 to reflect on my past and see how keeping those emotions in has cost me good people and opportunities. And I would be a liar if I said it didn’t bother me at all. Sometimes my mind just wanders about those opportunities and those people. Thinking about what could have been if I only spoke up about what I keep buried inside deep in my soul. And I wish I could change all of that but I know I can’t. I can only learn from my past and all of my mistakes to do better in the future. It hasn’t been an easy process by all means. But day by day I’m getting much better at communicating my emotions and my thoughts. Being sensitive but not overly sensitive. I mean just writing this post is difficult enough because it makes me feel vulnerable. Not to keen on that feeling but it’s necessary for my personal growth.
To be honest, I’m not sure why I’m spilling all of this. Maybe someone will read this and might be able to relate to it. And if you are someone that can relate; it gets better with time as cliche as it sounds. I’m learning to understand my emotions, learning how use them as fuel to move forward to build relationships, using them to embrace the love relationships that I have, and eventually build a better me. You can do this too. If you really just take the time to sort it out and build a good support system anything is possible. If my brothers didn’t encourage me to open up, then I would have never written this. I’d be a fraud if I too didn’t live the motto: U Gotta Love Yourself And Flourish.
-Donovan Daniel, Commander-In-Chief